so....

this is the hardest thing i will ever have to do... im leaving im going back to washington to be with family and to raise my child alone with there help... its so hard because im stil so in love with tj but i know im loosing him he doesnt want this and ya its my fault ive been wanting him ive been trying to get him to do things and try when he doesnt want to but i need to be happy and do whats right for the baby i guess getting pregnant changed me because ive been wanting more from him ever since i got pregnant and i dont regret any of this i dont regret comming here. im angry at myself for not being better not trying more to make him happy. i feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest im scared about this is it the right decition am i doing what is right? what if im not what if he really does love me and want me and all this. i just dont feel like he does i know hes just scared of it all to but i am to im the one who is going through it alone leaving is the hardest thing i will ever have to do.....

today

my mom helped me with alot of paperwork im so greatful for her she helped take alot of stress off my sholders but now the only thing im worrying about is if ill get the paperwork done in time tj is working over time alot of over time to make shure everything will be ok i feel bad for not getting this done earlier like i said i would, ive been thinking about my dad and what he would do if he was here if he was in this situation but i dont know i just want to cry because im insecure about this stuff im worrried im scared will i make a good mom? i know tj will be a great dad but will i be a good mom what if the child hates me? ive never been here before never accually thought about this stuff and im happy to have tj with me so i ddont have to go through all this alone but i dont know i feel it growing in me because it hurts alot but i wouldnt trade it for anything ever. i wouldnt trade tj for anyone he really is the one i love and the first time i saw him i knew this was the right thing ya we have our hard times but who doesnt he takes care of me he loves me and he keeps me safe .... mom your the best mom ever i wouldnt trade you for anyone else no one could do as much as you do you really are a super mom and your always there to talk to Thank You.