happieness doesnt exist

cant celibrate christmas but we can go to his sisters for thanksgiving i cant look at holiday stuff in a store i have no freedom i want to cry i really do he says if he lost his voice at least he wouldnt have to talk to me except for id get mad and yell at him to txt me nothing i do is good enough or right nothing i do makes him happy :(

feelings.

i feel like he doesnt care then i do then i feel like hes more interested into another girl then a second later i dont then it seems like he doesnt care then he does i dont know what to think im tired of everyone telling me just go home i know i should but i love him he says he loves me he says he cares about me he says he loves me more than anything i love him i just think he loves his friends more his phone more i know its most likely not true but what about my feelings today at target he asked all his other friends opinions on a baby outfit but not me why doesnt my opinion count. he says im controlling because i want to spend time with him and i dont want him to be texting all the time he says girls sends him dirty pictures but he deletes them because he loves me more than them he held me last night in his arms he spent time with me watched a movie with me so why am i so depressed and un happy why do i have to have to many feelings why do i have to have to many emotions?